Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Story continues, Part B

M's biological father, "Andrew", has been out of my life for many years. Sometimes I have been curious and tried to contact him or at least find out where he is and how he is doing. I have not succeeded. Twenty-three or so years ago, before I got pregnant, I really did like the guy. I found him fascinating. I wanted to get to know him - find out about his background, why he acted and reacted the way he did. He enjoyed the chase, but did not give me much real information about who he was. So now, when I talk to M, I wonder about Andrew. M and I are very similar in many ways, and very different in others. Part of me wants to know if she got traits from Andrew, or me, or her environment with her adoptive family. It's probably a mix of all of the above - and I will never know and should stop trying to figure it out. haha

M and Baby H were here for two weeks in the early summer of 2007. When M left here, she went back to her family, her situation, and life went on. This part is her story, not mine, so I won't go into much detail. She moved, met people, got a job, and more. My boys finished out summer, returned to school and life kept going for us, too. (We had some crazy winter weather and I told M about all of it, etc.) For the rest of 2007 and into 2008, M and I talked on the phone and emailed. It was normal for us to be in contact often, then not at all for awhile. But that's okay. A true friendship was developing, and both of us lead separate, unique lives. Sometimes I knew a lot about her life, sometimes not too much. And she was the same way with me. We just kind of relaxed and enjoyed what we had and did not stress out. Okay, so we had days when we worried about each other, but that's what friends do. We had become important to each other in a way that was not parent/child, but more than friends. It's hard to describe. But it was cool. Still is.

M divorced her hubby and split custody of the baby. That was hard, in part because of location (different states.) But she is satisfied with arrangements and how the baby is being parented, and that's good. Baby H is now two - active and talkative and growing up fast. "Baby" H is now becoming "child" H.

Over this past year, as M and I talk, at times we discuss how we got to where we are now. We are still in awe of our friendship, but we don't analyze it. Forgive all the "A" words here, but we are amazed by it all, and yet accept it. What was weird and fascinating has now become somehow normal. We laugh and complain and are just real with each other. In my wildest dreams, I could never have hoped for such peace and joy from finding my daughter. At times, it does put a lump in my throat that she not only forgives and understands me, but she likes me, too. I'm more used to that now. Usually. ;-)

We don't see eye-to-eye. We are of different ages, needs, desires, and stages in our lives. But even if we do not agree or fully comprehend, we accept. And just being allowed into her life is priceless to me.

M came up here again this past summer. She did not have baby/toddler H this time. (He was with her right before she was here.) It was just M and us for a week. That turned out to be good - much as I adore H, without him we were able to get out more and "do stuff". M and the boys and I went sight-seeing around town. Hub took us all out to dinner. We relaxed and played and pretty much had a stress-free week. This was less about getting to know each other and more about just being with each other. Her visit, this time, was not surreal. And even though I am not immaculate, I am more into cleaning house than M is. But I did not need to clean and prepare and have a home that would pass a white-glove test before she arrived. This visit was............easy. And great. The guys adore her as much as I do, and I'm SO grateful for that.

M is now in the early stages of a new relationship with a young man - again, her story - but I'm really happy for her. I wish the best in whatever direction this takes the two of them.

This, now, what M and I have, is by far the most unique and wonderful relationship I’ve ever experienced with anyone. ANYone. I love her. And she knows it. AND she loves me back. My heart still skips a beat and I can't hide a smile whenever she tells me she loves me. And I tell her that I love her - and I mean it with every fabric of my being. The past is in the past and the future is wide open.

I really don't care how often we will see each other, and I don't worry about when the next phone call or email will happen. Because it does happen. All good. All wonderful. All priceless. My heart is very happy, very fulfilled.


Six Green Zebras said...

Glad to see you blogging again. We miss you over 'there'...were just speaking of you the other day. Scary on the biopsies, I'm glad all is well.

Kisha said...

Good to see you back and glad to know that things are moving,in any direction.

AA said...

So glad the visit went well and things are so good. Haven't seen you "around" in a while. Miss ya.

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