Wednesday, November 5, 2008

how to make me extremely happy

M was born in January of 1986. And unbeknownst to me at that time, a yearly tradition was about to begin. Approaching her birthday, I was always, at least mentally, introverted. Inside my head, I was wondering, remembering. On the outside, I was happy, enjoying the holidays, totally with my family and friends. But on the inside, my thoughts were focused on M. That's just the way it was. On her birthday, sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would take a long bath, but always I was thinking about her. And it was okay to do that. It was her day, and I wanted to think about her. Not in an obsessive way, but just to allow myself the memories and the wondering and the love.

These past two years (2007 and 2008) have been MUCH different on her birthday. After beginning to talk with her on the phone and then meeting her, the holiday/birthday time of year for me has drastically changed. I don't dwell on the new "tradition" of her birthday, or the old - I've simply accepted that I no longer wonder, or grieve, or stay inside my head.

But this coming January - it's going to be WAAAAYYY different. M wants to come up to my area for Christmas with her fiance'. AND she wants to be here, with me, on her birthday. The fact that she even desires to do that is huge. Her words - she wants to spend her birthday with the one who gave birth to her. I have to replay that statement in my mind a lot. She wants to spend her birthday with ME. (Can I scream now??) And even if it does not happen, the reality that she wants to do this is priceless. We have never, ever spent that day together. And SHE asked for it!!!!

Realistically, it may not be a "perfect" day. I live in an area that usually has rain or snow in January. It will not be summer (as in when M has been here before.) The day may very well be spent indoors, with a blanket and maybe a movie on tv, with a crock-pot full of warm food. (You've been warned, M. haha) It won't be exciting - wet and grey are better adjectives. But I don't think that will matter. It will not be what M is probably used to doing on her day, but it will be okay. I hope it works out - to be together for the **very first** time on her birthday. With our guys, with each other.

It thrills me that she requested this. Makes my heart skip a beat, brings a smile to my face. Simply having her in my life now and actually being friends and being able to tell her that I love her is so much. Her birthday goes beyond even all of that. I am overwhelmed, and very, VERY happy.